


How to Handle Witchers

by wintersunofdoom



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Feral Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion, Geraskier, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:06:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24280276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersunofdoom/pseuds/wintersunofdoom
Summary: Geralt brings Jaskier to Kaer Morhen. Lambert says some mean stuff. Jaskier is quick to respond.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 24
Kudos: 388





	How to Handle Witchers

Geralt brings Jaskier to Kaer Morhen and he’s nervous about it. He’s afraid of how the other Witchers might treat the bard.

Before entering the lobby, the Witcher squeezes Jaskier’s hand. Jaskier looks up at him, curious. “Don’t take anything they say personally” Geralt mumbles “Sorry in advance”.

“I think I can handle a bunch of grumpy Witchers” Jaskier responds. He lifts up their intertwined hands and kisses the back of Geralt’s hand. “I handled you well, didn’t I?” Jaskier purrs, making eye contact with the Witcher. Geralt can’t help but to chuckle. They walk in, still holding hands.

Vesemir greets them with a smile. He doesn’t ask any unnecessary questions. Eskel raises his eyebrows at the pair, but he’s polite to Jaskier nonethelss.

It’s Lambert who’s the real problem.

“So you’re fucking bards now, Geralt?”

“Back off, Lambert”.

“Why should I? Didn’t know this was a brothel. I’d bring my own whore, too”.

Vesemir looks at him disapprovingly, Eskel looks away awkwardly. Geralt is about to snap at Lambert, when Jaskier interferes, taking a step forward.

“Oh, shut up, won’t you? You fucking moron”.

Everybody in the room stares at him, including Geralt. Lambert takes a step towards the bard. “What did you call me?” He hisses through his teeth.

Jaskier rolls his eyes, waving a dismissive hand in the air. “Oh, cut the act, I’m not scared of you. Save it for the monsters and the ignorant villagers”. Jaskier takes another step forward, so he and the Witcher are now standing almost nose to nose. The bard folds his arms over his chest and glares at Lambert.

“I called you a fucking moron”. Geralt raises his eyebrows and Eskel snickers. “Cause that’s exactly what you are”. Lambert just stares at him, clenching his fists. Jaskier continues, unfazed. “I’ve barely even walked in here and you’re already calling me a whore. I wonder why? Do you even know who I am? I guess you do. I guess you heard the songs about your brother. It’s pretty much thanks to me and to my compositions that folks don’t chase around Witchers anymore with torches in their hands. So show me some fucking respect”.

With those words, Jaskier knees Lambert in the stomach. The Witcher howls, stumbling backwards. Eskel bursts out in loud laughter, Vesemir is now smiling, too. Geralt gapes at the bard.

“I’m also guessing” Jaskier continues his little speech, watching Lambert clench at his stomach. “That the only reason you’re mean to me is because you want to annoy Geralt. Well, that’s just wrong. You should be happy for him, not try to ruin his relationship”. Jaskier tilts his head to the side with a smile. “Or maybe you’re jealous of him? Anyway, I love Geralt and he loves me, so you have no choice but to deal with it and play nice”.

Lambert slowly stands up straight and takes a step towards the bard. Geralt launches forward to pull his lover away, afraid that Lambert might hurt him. “Jaskier!”

But instead of punching the bard, Lambert takes his hand and shakes it firmly. He grins at Jaskier and glances briefly at Geralt. “I like this one”. He pats Jaskier’s arm. “Welcome to Kaer Morhen”.

“I love him! Next time, punch him harder, please” Eskel comments from aside. Geralt sighs in relief and takes Jaskier’s hand in his. He gives Lambert an angry look before dragging Jaskier up to the bedroom he uses when he stays here.

Once they’re alone in the bedroom, Geralt sighs and wraps his arms around Jaskier’s waist. “Sorry” he mumbles. “And also, what the fuck?”

Jaskier laughs softly and pecks Geralt’s lips. He pulls away with a wink and a smug smile. “Told you I know how to handle Witchers”.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm darkverrmin on Tumblr~


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